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4 December, 2020

Wayne's World: Breaking News: Wayne proves Santa is real

G’day Tropicairnians, I really do not know where some people get their silly opinions from, but really they need to get an urgent reality check: it has been strongly suggested by some, that Santa is not real. (Gasp, horror, biff and bam).

By Wayne Marshall

Sorry I was watching old re-runs of Batman on the weekend and got carried away there.

Holy Toledo Batman, are they saying that Santa is not real?

Alright then, who is that white bearded fat fella in the red and white suit surrounded by elves and reindeers strapped up to a big red sleigh flying the skies all around the world hollering HO HO HO?

Please explain how all these huge amounts of Christmas presents turn up under these beautifully decorated Christmas trees, and how come they all have names on them. And they are the exact one we asked Santa for.

Then also how come all the milk is drank and cookies eaten, and even the carrots outside are gone on Christmas day.

I might also add, that I have personally studied the evidence of hoof prints left on the lawn outside on Christmas morning, and I have also seen signs that Rudolf needs a pit stop at my house. (Neat little pile of flying mystical reindeer scat.)

(The defence rests your honour.)

As a known acknowledged authority on super beings, I and any child, plus normal people under 163cm in height, do totally refuse to accept the concept that Santa Claus does not exist. For the above mentioned reasons.

You may as well say there is no Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Sandman, Donald Duck, Hobbits and Elves and so on. How the mind ridicules mere stupid suggestions.

If there was no Santa Claus, what would all the flying reindeers do?

Plus looking at the other side thinking about all the trees the seven dwarves are cutting down so the North Pole elves can make toys. Consider the impact upon the icy economy of the northern regions of this beautiful world.

Come on tall ones, it’s time to get a grip on your inner child. Never a truer word has been spoken, “if you don’t believe, you don’t receive.”

Handy hint – leave full cream milk and cookies for Santa plus fresh juicy carrots for Rudolph and his mates.

 HO HO HO Merrrrrry Xmas.



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