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Opinion

6 August, 2021

SATIRE: A shadowy underground government bunker

IT’S 08:25 deep underground in a secret bunker located 100 metres below George Street Brisbane. Two shadowy figures, pale alabaster skin, dressed in contrasting black suits are hunched over a mountain of printouts, inspecting the ‘dump’.

By Peter McCullagh

Yes, they are Staff Member #56&23*21 and #87&21*56, secret employees of the Queensland Government’s DUMP (Data Uploaded Mandatorily Procured) Department.

Today they are analysing the movements of one of their most dangerous and subversive targets. The target for today’s government ‘DUMP’ is actually myself.

Through careful research on the internet and with the assistance of Google, plus Bing, I have uncovered the existence of this shadowy organisation. Whilst planning for the Clem 7 Tunnel the Minister of the day also met with a ‘friend’ who once attended a fundraiser with the CEO of a major pharmaceutical company, who participated in the research and development of the untested and highly toxic, (it causes women’s boobs to grow bigger) COVID vaccine.

At that meeting they discussed the Tunnels of Cu Chi. I was horrified, what appeared to be an innocent conversation regarding Vietnam War history was actually the initial planning for this secretive tunnel system connecting the bowels of government in Brisbane allowing them to take a ‘dump’ on all citizens.

I have digressed, I apologise, but my mind is racing, this government manipulation and tracking of private citizens has outraged me, and I need to alert my fellow citizens and implore them to take to Google, Facebook, Twitter, Bing and email and alert the unsuspecting public about this atrocity.

Anyway, my latest ‘dump’ was being inspected. Yes the details of my movement, tracked by the Queensland Check-in app was being analysed.

The results below are horrifying.

09:32 Scanned into Cairns Central

09:34 Scanned into Coles at Cairns Central (Red Flag) Two minutes to walk 40 metres, did Subject ‘Gu11ib1e’ (me!) meet with other subversives for the purpose of nefarious planning? Nefarious (adj: wicked or evil).

09:55 Subject scanned into the coffee shop. Was there a passing of secret messages when he was handed his coffee?

10:09 Subject went to the lolly shop and scanned in there. He is evil this man, He obviously does not take care of his health, a grown man eating lollies.

10:29 Subject scanned into Hungry Jacks, oh dear, massive red flag, a multinational American based corporation who have donated monies to pharmaceutical companies. Perhaps the same ones who have manipulated COVID for personal gain.

A decision is made based upon this damning evidence, Subject ‘Gu11ib1e’ (me!) must be intercepted and wiped clean after this damning ‘Dump’. The operatives from ‘DUMP’ will need to intercept me and send me to a government approved quarantine station, (yes they do exist) at a secret location for a minimum of 10 years.

At last this government plot has been unmasked.  Yes and this is happening during National Missing Persons Week. Of course, it makes total sense to me, the government is behind this…..

HOLD ON, lets put fantasy on hold and deal with reality.

No more conspiracy theories about COVID, Government tracking using the Check-in App, there’s no secret bunker, no kidnapping of citizens, but yes we all take a dump (pardon my crudity) and we need to flush these conspiracy theories down the toilet where they belong.

The date being analysed was late July, when a person who tested positive for Delta variant COVID visited Cairns Central. By ‘checking-in’ I could be contacted or ruled out from a possible casual contact with a person ‘of risk’.

Now if I asked you to think back to last Friday and remember what you did and what time you did it, where you visited and at what times, could you compile a list that you could 100% confident in? A list that you would not stake your life on, but the life of your wife, husband, child or parent on?

The Queensland Check-in App is designed to identify easily and effectively people who are at risk from casual contact contamination. Let’s do the right thing. Use the App, check into a business, hopefully we are never contacted and advised that we were in the same store, at the time someone who tested positive was there.

If we are contacted, the early notification and accurate identification of a possible casual contact with a Positive COVID Case could save our lives or more importantly we could avoid passing the virus onto someone we love and cherish, someone who we consider even more important than ourselves.

So end of rant, let’s Check-in, so the ones we love do not ‘check-out’.

 

Peter McCullagh

Editor


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