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29 October, 2021

Wayne’s World: No appy Jan

G’DAY Tropicairnsians,

By Wayne Marshall

Oh I deeply miss the days when all you had to do to be uncontactable, was walk outside and turn up the car stereo totally ignoring the landline telephone ringing?

Yes, this was the normal practice in my place, and many households back in the past, when we rode dinosaurs to cave school and even up to the early 1990’s.

Fast forward to today, which seems to me is 200 years later. Now, our lives get controlled by smart phones.

Oh yeah, they are bloody smart alright. Have you ever noticed that when you are talking about a subject in a very positive manner do not be surprised that your phone has been “listening” and you will possibly find ads featuring said subject when perusing such places like Facebook.

And we move onto  applications on our smart phones, referred to by those in the know as ‘APPS’.

Crikey, have we been right royally shafted with this overzealous technology, as there is apparently an app for every conceivable thing in the world?

Do you remember that weird uncle that would get you to pull his finger, yeah, they even have an app that farts!

 There are apps for absolutely everything essential and totally useless. Remember the story a few weeks ago how I bought a banjolele on impulse and not knowing how to play it. Well, there are apps for this problem and apparently they show you how easy it is to play. But I have not bothered to go there yet. And even found app sites for learning how to play that harmonica that I inherited a long time ago, yeah haven’t gone there yet either, slack right.

I have found apps sites for some truly weird things that normal people should not even contemplate. My favorite, how to communicate with guinea pigs.

Really, who is really going to sit down and have a meaningful conversation with a guinea pig and really what would you talk about?

Another classic app,How bears learn to pole dance (I would not try to slip money in that ‘G’ string).

Or you could download before you next head out fishing the amazing app, How to survive on a raft surrounded by sharks, How to hypnotize a snake(hssssssterical), Learn to dance like a penguin and so many millions of more totally ironic, stupid ideas that are making people that created these apps huge amounts of money.

But that is the whole point of apps it would seem, is money and how easy it is to get the gullible society of smart phone obsessed punters to part with their credit card details to make a quick million or two.

The real funny part is a lot of these apps are renewable annually and the punters don’t even notice the charges being taken out the accounts most times. Smart phones and smarter owners…yeah right.

 Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, here is a fantastic idea for you, how about (now I just did a thorough check of the app store and there is nothing like it) creating an app on How to paint beards in multi colors and designs, I can almost smell the money now (which also means I must not have COVID), so where are the how to build an app, apps?



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