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20 August, 2021

Wayne's World: An Iso-Wayne is not so good

G’DAY Tropicairnsians, You know it never crossed my mind that I would ever get caught up in the COVID quarantine isolation program but bugger me dead it happened.

By Wayne Marshall

You know it never crossed my mind that I would ever get caught up in the COVID quarantine isolation program but bugger me dead it happened.

On Saturday July 24, that Delta infected marine pilot walked into my work and inquired about a product we did not have and was sent over the road to Anaconda for his item, only 10 minutes in our store.

Nineteen days later I get a phone call 7.30 in the morning waking me up.

It was the manager saying I am a casual contact and must get tested and home isolate until notified.

Now I don’t mind telling you that my thoughts went back to a conversation I had with a lovely lady managing a ringers store in Cairns Central who said when she was tested they first put the swab stick up her nose then using the same swab down her throat.

My mum always warned me about picking my snotter and eating it, so with caution I slowly creep my Jeep to the front of the line and stone the crows they did the throat first then snotter. Well, I was as happy as a pig rolling in the proverbial.

But that happiness was short lived, because on getting home and settling into binge on Netflix my bloody computer craps itself.

With nothing to binge on tele, I do what any short fat fella does, pops open the ridgy-didge and cooks up a beaut feed then crawls into bed for a nana nap.

After one hour of much needed rest my mind turns to writing this column so turning on the smart phone I start trying to type.

My fat sausage-like fingers keep making mistakes, so growling I shut the stupid thing down and open the fridge again to make another large snack then crawled back into bed for a stress nap.

Feeling much better and refreshed an hour later, me thinks old school is the way. So out comes pen and paper, yep you heard that right, I settle in to put 550 words down in true blue Baby-Boomer style.

So with my YouTube mix playing in the background, probably annoying the crap out of my neighbours, I get into my new found hobby of word forming and to help with word thoughts a bit of impromptu dancing is required (not a nice sight).

Editor’s Note: I visualise Tom Cruise in Risky Business here and I am scarred for life.

To the normal person writing is easy, but for this uneducated numb-nuts it’s a unnatural task, so on completion with great pride I finish by leaning back and clicking my pen, then clicking my pen, again clicking my pen only to come to the grand conclusion that pens don’t do spell check (oops my editor is going to go off his nut, when I drop this off) so instead of getting cranky I open the ridgy-didge again for large comfort snack followed by  another much needed nap.

Yep, you know it an hour later much rested, and that task completed I decide that since there is no yard for me to walk around in I might be a bit artistic and paint the beard, killing 45 minutes and deciding that I am not happy with the colours so I jump into the shower to wash out the colours and out comes the paints again.

Now I do this 3 times before realising that with myself in quarantine that there is no way for me to go outside so why in the universe am I wasting expensive body paint.

Mmm hungry again, wonder what is for dinner?

So here is where we can conclude that some people don’t isolate so well.


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