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11 December, 2020

The best/worst Christmas Cracker jokes ever

Prepare yourself for some the the best or worst Christmas Cracker jokes ever.

By Peter McCullagh

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?


What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

What happens to elves when they are naughty?

Santa gives them the sack!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

One that’s deep pan, crisp and even!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

How does Christmas Day end?

With the letter Y!

How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?

25 the Christmas alphabet has “no EL”!

What carol is heard in the desert?

O camel ye faithful!

What type of key do you need for a Nativity play?

A don-key!

What happened to the turkey at Christmas?

It got gobbled!

Why did the turkey join the band?

Because it had the drumsticks!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?


What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps!

How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?


When is a boat just like snow?

When it’s adrift!

What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?

Sandy Claus!

What do you call a cat in the desert?

Sandy Claws!

Who delivers presents to cats?

Santa Paws!

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken’s day off!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

Santa Clues!

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?

Santa going through a revolving door!

What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents?


What did the sea Say to Santa?

Nothing! It just waved!

What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an Elf Farm!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

What do you call a dog who works for Santa?

Santa Paws!

What’s a child’s favourite king at Christmas?

A stocking!

Who is Santa’s favourite singer?

Elf-is Presley

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?

Because he had no body to go with!

What do elves learn at school?

The Elfabet!

Why can’t Christmas trees knit?

Because they always drop their needles!

What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?


What’s yellow and dangerous?

Shark-infested custard!

Why is it so difficult to train dogs to dance?

They have two left feet!

What wobbles and flies?

A Jelly-copter!

What goes ha ha ha clonk?

A man laughing his head off!

Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?

Because he couldn’t concentrate!

How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?

On the dark side!

Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?


What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?

Jingle Smells!

What do you call a three legged donkey?

A wonkey!

What athlete is warmest in winter?

A long jumper!

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