12 February, 2021
No cones for me
WELCOME to yet another amazingly world-shattering Wayne’s World. The weekly column where all the big issues are debated and resolved.
WELCOME to yet another amazingly world-shattering Wayne’s World. The weekly column where all the big issues are debated and resolved. Well if the truth be told, the place where I take a few minutes of your week and enrich it with my wonderful in-depth analysis of life in FNQ.
Editor: Wayne, you are gilding the lily a little bit.
My raving lunatic rant for this week is all about the dribbling outcome of eating ice cream from a cone here in the tropical north.
Now here in the great land of never ending fantastical, all-year-round warm weather clothes wearing tropical North bloody Queensland we must live in reality. I am not talking about that reality crap we cannot hide from on TV, I am talking about the life changing reality of ice cream in a cone melting and dribbling down, all over our hands reality.
I love my ice cream almost as much as bacon (mmm bacon ice cream) but I have never liked eating ice cream from a cone here in the tropics. It dribbles all over your hand while you eat it, and you can’t set it down if you need both hands to do something (or, in the case of flat-bottomed cones, setting it down means dribbling ice cream all over whatever you set it on).
To eat it you have to either glob your mouth over the scoop like a bottom-feeding fish, or slather your tongue over it and leave behind a disgusting sheen of drool. Either way it gets all over your hands, face, shirt, shorts and thongs and even worse if you have a beard and to top it off, the “edible” cone left behind tastes like sugar-flavored Styrofoam.
I remember the great old days PC19 (pre-COVID 19), when at the movies you would grab your popcorn, twisties, frozen cokes and chockie coated ice cream cones, head into the darkened theatre, sit down and start pigging out on your treats like Scooby Doo gobbling down some burgers. The only problem is when walking out after the movie and there it is for everyone else to see all the melted chocolate and dribbled ice cream over your good clothes and all the other patrons with the big smirks on their dials.
This would never happen if you played smart and used a bowl and spoon as this is just way less messy way to eat with, plus you can pile on much more ice cream, like instead of 2 scoops you can aim for 5 or more and all the toppings as well.
Many cold weather southerners reckon we are a bit mango-fever slow up here, but tickle a leprechaun green we know cold beer and delish ice creams are good up here all year long.